Hogwarts: This Wizard is Unscientific 24
by adminChapter 24: Lord Voldemort, Is This How You Teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?
A second time after the first failure? Wouldn’t that be double social death? (Meaning: two consecutive embarrassing situations)
The three young wizards exchanged bewildered glances. They had a feeling Andy was setting them up, but they lacked proof.
Andy sighed and shook his head. “This generation of young wizards is hopeless!” he muttered. “This is all from experience. You don’t actively speak up, do you expect the girl to make the first move? Besides, if you don’t take the initiative, someone else will.”
Ignoring them, Andy quickly finished his dinner. With over an hour until the 8 pm lights-out, he hurried to the library with Hermione.
He returned *Modern Magic Theory* after finishing it. Books explaining the principles of magic only require understanding the key points; Andy wasn’t Hermione; he couldn’t memorize the entire book. Mainly, he didn’t have that kind of memory.
After careful selection, he chose another book explaining spellcasting principles to further his knowledge.
The library closed at 8 pm, marking the start of Hogwarts’ curfew. Andy and Hermione left five minutes early, returning to the Ravenclaw Dormitory.
“Goodnight!”
“Goodnight!”
Back in the dorm, Andy took a hot shower. Sitting at his desk in his pajamas, his mind wandered to the Restricted Section of the library.
Night-time explorations were a Hogwarts tradition. Many claimed a Hogwarts experience wasn’t complete without them. Andy remembered in the movie *Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone*, Harry used an Invisibility Cloak to enter the Restricted Section—a seemingly heavily guarded area, yet practically undefended.
However, Andy remained cautious. The one who entered the Restricted Section in the movie was Harry Potter, who was clearly different to Dumbledore. It was like someone stealing the Scroll of Seals in *Naruto*—it’s Naruto, of course he could get away with it! Try someone else and see what happens.
“I still need to be fully prepared, at least learn the Disillusionment Charm,” Andy thought.
Looking at the parchment on his desk, he had no intention of doing his homework.
“Anthony, have you finished your Potions homework?” Andy asked.
“Yes, do you need it?”
Anthony, sitting on his bed lost in thought, was surprised. “Didn’t you already brew the potion in class?”
“Precisely because I brewed it, I don’t want to waste time on the homework,” Andy said. “Don’t worry, I won’t copy it entirely. I have experience in this area.”
Anthony searched his bedside table, handing Andy his completed essay. “Andy, I’ve been thinking, what should I say when I first talk to a girl? How did you start your first conversation with Hermione?”
Andy: “…”
So you spent the whole evening thinking about this?
Anthony’s question piqued the interest of Terry and Michael. “Yeah, Andy, tell us! This concerns the lifelong happiness of us brothers.”
“This requires improvisation, there’s no fixed formula,” Andy pondered. “Let me think…for example, you could ask the girl you like to borrow her homework, and as a thank you, buy her some snacks.”
“Through this back-and-forth, you’ll naturally become closer.”
Anthony was troubled. “But I’ve already finished my homework.”
Terry was also distressed. “I’ve finished my homework too. Even if I lie, what if she doesn’t lend it to me?”
Michael was even more miserable. “And buy her snacks? I don’t have much pocket money.”
Andy: “…”
You three are going to be single for life!
“I’ve already told you how to initiate a conversation. Find an opportunity to try it.”
Too lazy to deal with the three kids, Andy quickly finished his Potions essay, put it away, and went to bed.
Tomorrow morning was Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms; in the afternoon, Transfiguration—classes Andy looked forward to. He didn’t have time to be a relationship counselor for these kids.
…
The next morning, Andy got up at 8 am as usual, washed up, woke his three roommates, and went to the Great Hall for breakfast.
To be honest, he was looking forward to the upcoming Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
The movie didn’t detail Professor Quirrell’s lessons. Andy only knew Quirrell was the movie’s main antagonist, possessed by Lord Voldemort, and fainted from a troll at the Halloween feast.
Wait a minute…something’s not right?
At 8:55 am, Andy arrived at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, eagerly anticipating Lord Voldemort’s first lesson.
As soon as he entered, he frowned.
What’s that smell?
The windows were curtained, the room lit only by a few torches. A strong smell of garlic filled the dimly lit classroom; the air was damp. Just entering made Andy feel nauseous.
The Slytherins sharing the class were even more annoyed.
Malfoy even yelled, “How could Dumbledore hire this person as a professor? I’ll tell my father to get him expelled from Hogwarts!”
Andy glanced at Malfoy and silently mourned for him. According to the script, Voldemort would eventually be resurrected, and hopefully he wouldn’t hold this against you.
Hermione, sitting next to Andy, frowned, unusually not defending Professor Quirrell. It seemed she didn’t like the professor either.
“I… I’m so sorry…”
Quirrell entered, timid and stammering. “I was injured by a vampire…I can’t be exposed to sunlight…I’ve treated the wound, but…the smell might be unbearable…I hope you’ll forgive me.”
So, our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was injured by a dark creature? This is remarkably similar to the Flying instructor’s inability to handle flying accidents! Are you two the hidden dragons and phoenixes of Hogwarts? (卧龙凤雏 – wò lóng fèng chú – refers to two hidden talents or geniuses)
The young wizards were excited by the mention of vampires.
A young wizard immediately asked, “Professor, where did you encounter the vampire? Did you defeat it?”
“I…I encountered it in Romania…a vampire, I drove it away.”
Another young wizard questioned, “Professor, weren’t you bitten by the vampire?”
“No…no…bitten…”
Quirrell seemed eager to prove his abilities, pointing to his turban. “Last year…I helped an African chief drive away a reanimated zombie. This…this turban is a gift from the chief.”
Andy had given up on this class.
Lord Voldemort, is this how you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?
(End of Chapter)
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