SGB Chapter 249

## Chapter 249: The Bizarre 19th Century (4K)

**”Napoleon’s Second Landing? French Spies May Be Lurking at the West India Docks!”**

**”Breaking News! A Waterloo Reenactment at the Regent’s Crescent, Napoleon Bonaparte Captured Again!”**

**”In This Scorching Summer, Scotland Yard Delivers a Great Military Victory for the People of Great Britain!”**

**”Londoners Jesting: London Police Are As Powerful as the Royal Foot Guards, Perhaps Parliament Should Consider Cutting Military Spending.”**

**”Newly Inherited Earl of Dundonald and Admiral of the Royal Navy, Thomas Cochrane, Enthusiastically States: The Citizens of London’s Proposal is Very Forward-Thinking.”**

**”The War Office Responds: Cochrane, You Fucking Bastard!”**

According to an official insider, the Emperor of the First French Empire, the man-eating devil Napoleon Bonaparte’s nephew, Charles-Louis-Napoleon Bonaparte, secretly entered London early yesterday morning aboard a merchant ship from the Kingdom of the Two Sicilies at the West India Docks, and was met with a “warm welcome” by the working class of the East End.

At noon that day, Scotland Yard received a report of a kidnapping with numerous witnesses in the East End. The head of the Criminal Investigation Department of the Metropolitan Police of Greater London, the star of London’s police force – Inspector Arthur Hastings, immediately ordered Chief Inspector Clarenden Jones of the Whitechapel Police Station to lead a team to immediately surround the Fred Criminal Group and successfully rescued Louis Bonaparte who was receiving a “hot reception.”

However, after investigation, Scotland Yard discovered that Louis Bonaparte was missing the necessary passport, nationality, and identity documents required for entry. So, after submitting relevant documents and obtaining approval from the Foreign Office and the judicial department, Scotland Yard made a second arrest of Louis Bonaparte, who was visiting Regent’s Crescent.

Afterward, our reporter interviewed several senior police officers from Scotland Yard and the commendable officers who participated in the arrest.

William Michel, a retired officer of the 11th Royal Infantry Regiment “Bloody,” stated that this was the first time he had faced the French since he was wounded at the Battle of Salamanca and sent back to the UK for treatment. However, this victory was obviously much easier than the Battle of Salamanca. Thinking back, Marshal Marmont, who led the French army in the Battle of Salamanca, wasn’t that bad after all.

Joseph Masselin, standing beside him, obviously disagreed with William Michel’s opinion. He believed that compared to Marmont, Marshal Soult, who commanded the French army in the Battle of Albuera, was a higher caliber. Incidentally, at that time, Joseph Masselin, who belonged to the 57th Royal Infantry Regiment “Diehards,” was part of the 2nd Division that participated in the battle, under the command of Major General William Stewart.

Michel retorted, “The 2nd Division didn’t engage in the Battle of Bussaco, and they were mostly lost in the Iberian Peninsula campaign of 1811-1812, always on the march but never reaching their destination. You know who I’m talking about, right? As for the Battle of Albuera, you dare bring it up? I heard that the Polish Lancers, the French auxiliary army, broke through your flank with a single charge! 1248 casualties from a cavalry charge, we “Bloody” couldn’t achieve that.”

Masselin argued, “The important thing is to see our unwavering spirit! Don’t forget how the 57th Regiment got its nickname, we are diehards!”

Michel agreed, “Indeed, all the men died, their bodies are stiff as boards.”

After a friendly and pleasant exchange, the two officers finally calmed down under the mediation of George Mosley, a retired officer of the 5th Royal Foot Guards “Wellington’s Guards.”

When the reporter asked why this operation against the French was much easier than Waterloo, Mosley responded, “I believe it’s due to the difference in the personal capabilities of the commanders on both sides. Admittedly, the Duke of Wellington is the most outstanding military leader in British history, but Napoleon is also a genius, so the intensity of Waterloo is understandable. However, in this arrest operation, Inspector Hastings, an experienced police star, is clearly superior to Louis Bonaparte, a young man wanted by the Apennine countries. Therefore, this arrest operation and the previous rescue operation were so forceful. Finally, thank you all for your concern for our police work. We will continue to uphold the British tradition of “Police are the public, the public are the police,” providing strong and unwavering protection for the lives and property of Londoners!”

Arthur sat in his office, reading through today’s freshly printed London newspapers.

His gaze shifted slightly downward, and he quickly spotted something new.

**”Marriage Proposal: I am 21 years old, male, six feet tall, with a sunny and handsome appearance…”**

Arthur couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, praising, “Benjamin is pretty efficient. I just talked to him about this the other day, and it’s already printed everywhere. It seems like the next issue of ‘The Brit’ will have a huge increase in sales.”

As Arthur finished speaking, he saw the Red Devil walk into his office through the main door, carrying a travel bag, wearing a wide-brimmed hat, and whistling.

Arthur saw him and raised his hand in greeting, “Good morning, Agareus, did you enjoy your vacation?”

Hearing this, the Red Devil threw the travel bag on the desk, grabbed the teapot without hesitation, poured himself a full cup, took a sip and said, “The beaches of Portsmouth are passable, but the officers’ mess at the Royal Navy base is still not as good as St. James’s Palace.”

Arthur leaned back in his chair and said, “It’s good enough to have something to eat, a devil, so picky. Didn’t you say you used to live next to the Ball’s dunghill restaurant? You could stomach that environment, but you’re complaining about dining in the officers’ mess?”

The Red Devil slammed his cup on the table, glared and cursed, “Ball? You didn’t mention Ball, I almost forgot what happened just now! Arthur, you better be careful, I’ve discovered that Ball’s power of abnormal appetite may have invaded Britain!”

Arthur took out his handkerchief and wiped the spilled tea on the table, asking, “What’s going on? Did you discover a specialty dish in London?”

“No!” Agareus slammed his hands on the table in a threatening manner, “You know what I saw when I just passed the Thames! I swear I saw two men rescuing a drowning person!”

Arthur nodded slightly in agreement, “Isn’t that good? You reminded me, there seems to be a newly established civilian group called… um… right, the Thames Drowning Rescue Association! Look, helping each other, utilizing their swimming skills, if there were more people like this in London, our work at Scotland Yard would be much easier. Agareus, I know you have a low opinion of humans, but you can’t hate it when they do something good, can you?”

Agareus shook his head, “Little bastard! I don’t envy their good deeds like rescuing drowning people! But do you know what they did after rescuing the person? Those two men actually took out a pipe and a tube from the first aid kit nearby.”

Arthur picked up his teacup and said, “They did such a great deed, saving a life, it’s not too much to have a smoke to relax, right?”

“Is it about smoking? Don’t you ask about the tube?”

Arthur, seeing his anxious and agitated appearance, reluctantly complied, “Alright, what was the tube for?”

Agareus grabbed his cheeks with both hands, almost twisting himself into a painful mask, “My Solomon! After those two men took out the tube and the pipe, one lit a fire and started smoking, the other took off the drowning person’s pants and shoved the tube into his ass, then the other took a puff and blew a breath into the tube, took a puff and blew a breath into the tube. My thousands of years of experience were shattered in those ten minutes, like a shattered glass all over the floor!”

Arthur paused his tea-drinking, stared at Agareus for a long time, put down his teacup after a while, and then asked, “You watched for ten minutes?”

The Red Devil was stunned for a moment, then cursed angrily, “Arthur! You need to get your priorities straight! This kind of behavior is not something ordinary humans can do, it’s definitely the erosion of Ball’s filthy power on the world! You fools, if you don’t pay attention, you’ll soon be eating snacks like him! I saw that idiot who blew smoke rings into the tube almost take a big bite today! Well… maybe that was his goal?”

Arthur was also considering the question Agareus raised, but his peripheral vision caught an advertisement in the newspaper.

He froze for a moment, then pointed at the printed illustration in the newspaper and asked, “Is this what you saw today?”

Agareus looked down, and there it was – **Intestinal Smoke Therapy Instrument, Smoke Therapy for Various Diseases, Recommended by Hundreds of London Doctors, Verified by the Thames Drowning Rescue Association, Has Already Saved Dozens of Unfortunate Drowning Victims.**

Agareus stared at the newspaper for a long time, first in a daze, then with a hint of suspicion, but finally a warm and kind smile appeared on his face, “Oh, my dear Arthur, wouldn’t you consider buying one? Freshen up your intestines?”

“Sorry, not interested.”

“But the newspaper says it’s good, you see, it saved dozens of lives. This is a machine with immeasurable merit, I call it the greatest invention of the 19th century! Look at you, you have tobacco and a pipe, you just need to buy a machine.”

“You just said it was a conspiracy by Ball, an invasion from hell! You’re changing your tune so quickly? Agareus, you’re a learned devil, you know if blowing smoke rings into your ass can save people, right? I guess they must have done CPR besides blowing smoke rings into the drowning victims, right?”

“Oh! My dear Arthur, you don’t believe me, you have to believe the doctors! Damn! This is the unparalleled 19th century, the previous eighteen centuries of humanity were a waste of time, except for nailing Jesus to the cross, there’s nothing more ingenious than this! How did they come up with such an unprecedented invention?”

“Agareus, I think it’s worth considering whether 19th century doctors are trustworthy.”

“Arthur, you are anti-intellectual!”

“I’m happy to be, I don’t need any brains to work at Scotland Yard, just obedience.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be progressive? Why are you so resistant to new things?”

“Don’t put me on a pedestal, Scotland Yard was recently called a police force of authoritarianism by the news media. As for you, Agareus, what kind of revenge psychology is this? You’ve suffered, so everyone else has to suffer too? We don’t have that here.”

“Hey! Arthur, you goddamn…”

Arthur glanced at him and continued to work at his desk, “Agareus, you’ve gone to great lengths to make me eat something hot. But thank goodness, Alexander didn’t actually fall into the Thames. I’ll have to tell him about what you saw today, let him know that getting drunk not only risks drowning, but also potentially tearing his sphincter.”

Seeing that Arthur wasn’t falling for it, Agareus quickly lost interest in tricking him. He opened the lid of the sugar jar, ready to eat a piece of candy as usual to ease the awkward atmosphere.

However, Arthur’s hand slapped the lid shut, he stood up, a look of indescribable disgust on his face, “Did you wash your hands?”

The Red Devil was stunned for a moment, about to get angry, but then he heard a knock on the door.

Sergeant Field, holding a file, pushed the door open and said in a low voice, “Sir, Sir Peel just sent someone to the station, he wants to know if you have time, he wants to talk to you about vinyl records.”

As soon as Sergeant Field finished speaking, the knocking sound came again, Tony rushed into the room and said, “Arthur, the autopsy report from the Royal Medical Society is out, regarding the maid, the victim’s cause of death, the doctors seem to have some doubts. They believe that there may be other possibilities besides drowning.”

(End of Chapter)